Why Didn’t They Ask Eagles?

Eagle1:Thank you for waiting. We value your call. What can I do for you?
Gandalf: Could I book a delivery, please?
Eagle1: Certainly, sir. Weight? Size of package? Value?
Gandalf: er, minimal, minimal, inestimable.
Eagle1: Ah, well, in that case, we’re talking insurance premiums.
Gandalf: We’ll deal with that. Carry on.
Eagle1: Very well, destination?
Gandalf: Mount Doom in the land of Mordor.
Eagle1: Ah, well, tricky one, this. Very stringent import regulations. Have you sorted out customs, because we don’t want our lads stopped at the border only to find they don’t have the proper paperwork. Besides, to be honest, we do make it a general rule not to send our lads east of the river. Way too dangerous.
Gandalf: We’re willing to pay any excess fees.
Eagle1: So, the exact nature of your business?
Gandalf: Look, we have a ring of power, and it needs to be dropped into the smoking volcanic crater of Mount Doom.
Eagle1: Now let me stop you there. We’re talking significant risk here. It’s a matter of elf’n’safety. Have you done a full elf’n’safety assessment?’
Gandalf: No, but…
Eagle1: Well, there you are then, mate. Come back to us with a full elf’n’safety assessment, with proper insurance cover and we’ll sort out a quotation. Thanks for your interest.
Gandalf: But…
Eagle1: Your call is important to us.

Six months later…..

Eagle1: Thank you for your call. How can I help you?
Gandalf: I’d like to make another booking.
Eagle1: Ah, so you’ve used our services before.
Gandalf: Yes, I booked a pick-up from Orthanc.
Eagle1: Then you need to login. Do you have a user name?
Gandalf: GandalfTheGrey
Eagle1: And password?
Gandalf: BloodyBureaucraticEagles9#
Eagle1: Thank you. And what can I do for you today? I see you requested a delivery a few month ago to Mount Doom in the Land of Mordor.
Gandalf: Yes, referring back to that, we have arranged a full elf’n’safety assessment. We sent in a couple of small hobbits to test the situation and they did manage to make a successful delivery, but they are now in mortal danger, so I’d like to arrange an emergency pick-up, asap.
Eagle1: Ah, now, mate, we have problems there – changing conditions, declaration of war, airborne missiles, no-fly zone in operation…
Gandalf: There will be TV cameras filming the rescue.
Eagle1: Sorry, mate. Can’t stop to talk. My lads are on their way. Discuss payment later, okay?